Fantasy Football 2009: Team Blumpkin Pie

So, here's my fantasy football roster for this year, in order of how I drafted them (# pick overall):
1. (6) Drew Brees
Brees was my keeper from last season, where he racked up the #1 score overall, throwing to the likes of Pierre Thomas. Hopefully, this year Reggie Bush will not hurt his knee climbing Mount Kardashian Ass and he'll do even better. I'll bet his mole on it!

2. (19) Randy Moss
With his BFF Tom Brady back, Moss is poised to have a big season. That's a bingo!




3. (30) Reggie Bush
Soooo talented... soooo frail. Made in Taiwan. It's a good sign that he has lots of games on turf and/or good weather this year. Should score a ton. Oh, and he should have a lot of touchdowns too.


4. (43) Ronnie Brown
Runs the Wildcat, and I don't mean Goldie Hawn. He was the best available RB in the 4th round and I've heard good reports about him being healthy. May challenge Wesley Snipes as the blackest man alive.


5. (54) Marshawn Lynch
When arriving in Buffalo, was disappointed "Bills" meant Buffalo. Hoping to lead the league in Ho Punchin'. Is suspended for the first 3 games of the year, but after that I expect him to explode on the scene... or get arrested, one or the other.

6. (67) Brandon Marshall
Pissy little baby with good hands. With our league adding .5 point per catch, this should help out. Seems like a steal in the 6th round, but we'll see if he mopes his way onto my s&*t list. Josh McDaniels' master plan of destroying one of the best offensive teams in the league is almost complete.

7. (78) Minnesota
Note to the Vikings D line - read the effing label! Have been solid performers in the past, and the Minnesota ball-possession offense with Peterson should help. Unless old hillbilly 'I'm playing the position the way it's meant to be played' Favre throws picks all day.

8. (91) Owen Daniels
Had him last year; Couldn't find the endzone with a Garmin. But, the .5 PPC, should help.




9. (102) Tim Hightower
Loved him in the Police Academy movies. Is now #1 on the depth chart with Edge gone off to the senior center and he having beaten out Beanie Wells. That's good, because if you lose your starting job to someone named Beanie, maybe it's time to hang it up. I've been hearing good things, so I'll keep my hopes up.

10. (115) Joe Flacco
Unibrowtastic wonder in 1st season. Plays in a ball-possession offense, which isn't good. Good defense might help them get the ball more often. Should be a solid backup for me if Brees' mole turns on him.


11. (126...) Rob Bironas
Can't hear this name without hearing the song My Sharona in my head. So, he's got that going for him... which is nice.

12. (139) Domenik Hixon. After hearing reports that he can't catch a cold in the preseason and was in danger of losing his starting job, I dropped him and picked up Josh Morgan of the 49ers, who, I've heard is a great sleeper pick. Hopefully Coach Mike Singletary will use the pants dropping technique to motive the men this year.

13. (150) Seattle
I like the idea of having two defenses so that I can always play the one defense that happens to be playing the Lions.

Tom Gorzeslothy?

Separated at birth?





The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette may have the worst athlete pictures of all time.

Screw You Free Credit Report

Wanting to see why my credit isn't in tip top shape, I went into FreeCreditReport.com. So, on the main page, in the right hand side there's a drowned hooker pale blue window that talks about how they go about business - you'll be enrolled in a "free" trial for 7 days, after which you'll be charged $14.95 a month. Gee, thanks. Then, this information is also at the bottom of the page in plain white lettering that, not accidentally, sits perfectly out of the 1280 x 1064 resolution. When you log in to get your "free" credit report, they first get your name and address. Then, they ask you for your credit card information, stating "Your credit card will not be charged during the free trial period. However, valid credit card information is required to establish your account." Again, at the bottom of the page there's a disclaimer that you'll be enrolled in their "free" trial program.

Do they tell you what is about to happen? Yes. Is it clear? Well, when you've been to a million of these types of websites with "blah blah blah" text in the exact same position in the same font, you kinda gloss over it.

To make a long story short, I called and used my suaveness to get out of the bulls&$t charge. I guess someone has to pay for those stupid ass "Freeeeeeeeee credit report dot com" musical ads where the band is at some dumpy seafood joint singing. As my economics teacher Vernads always used to say: "TINSTAAFL beyooootches"

Rock and Roll Train Baby

I'm a huge AC/DC fan, I always have been. I've been a fan since the days that the local trailer park mullets that used to ride my grade school bus would wear their t-shirts. The shirt looked great with the high top Converse, the studded leather jacket, and the long hair (pours out some liquor for the 80's).

Anyways, they have a new song out for the first time in years, 'Rock and Roll Train'. I like it. I'll be interested in hearing the whole album. This reminded me of a funny line that one of my friends said when he found out that I ordered the whole collection of AC/DC material from Amazon.com.

"Hey, did I tell you that I ordered the entire AC/DC CD collection from Amazon.com?"
"Really? Wow, that's a lot of money for 3 notes"

Yeah, but it's a really kick ass 3 notes...

Fantasy Footbal Update #2

Dropped Ravens' Clayton for Ted Ginn Jr.
Being a PSU alum/fan, this was tough to do. However, when I looked at last year's total of 0 touchdowns by Clayton, the 2 by Ginn, the close reception numbers, and the fact that Ginn returns kicks (and returned one for a TD last night), this was an easy decision to make.

In other news, it appears as if Favre was injected with a new dose of embalming fluid - he's throwing touchdowns like he's 40 again!

My Fantasy Football Team, 2008

It's here! My 2008 Fantasy Football roster

1. Drew Brees
I'm so so on this first pick, had an off season last season, but still may have some explosiveness left. I'm hoping they don't ever hand to Bush, but rather throw a lot of passes out in the flat. People were grabbing RBs as if they were George Michael in a men's bathroom.
2. Frank Gore
Gah, I hated this one. Fleaflicker had him so high and I wasn't sure about anyone else, so I was kinda forced into it. I guess with Mike Martz throwing more, the Niners may have a more balanced O and the fact that they have no one nearly as good helps him be in there on more downs...
3. Edgerrin James
Another one I didn't feel quite good about. I get the feeling the Cards are on the rise, so hopefully he can resurrect his game at his ripe age and low IQ.
4. Steve Smith
Another of my aging stars. Here's to hoping that the rest of my team can cover him while his suspension plays out. Has great upside, especially how him and Delhomme played the first half of last year.
5. Brandon Marshall
I love this pick... I think he's poised for a breakout year. Who the hell else are they going to throw to?
6. Joey Galloway
Another grandpa, but still explosive. Hey, I needed another WR and he seems to have some weeks where he's fantastic.
7. Kellen Winslow
With Horseballs throwing, I like this pick.
8. John Kasay
Zzz...
9. Vikings Team (D/ST)
I think I was misled a bit by Fleaflicker's rating system for this one. ESPN had them as 7th, while FF had them as the #1 or #2 defense. They're aging, so they fit right in with the rest of my geriatrics. Hopefully Purple Jesus will help a ball-control offense so they can rest on the sidelines playing bingo.

Extras:
10. Brett Favre
I loooove this pick at this spot. I think he may be a steal, if Brees gets hurt. I think he has starter potential, maybe his career will be reborn in NY.
11. Kevin Smith (RB - Det)
Ah, I wanted a backup RB... Hey, it's better than nothing. Did Kitna guarantee wins this year?
12. Baltimore Ravens (D/ST)
Also long in the tooth. Maybe if they're playing an inept offense I could sub them for the Vikes.

Update:
Dropped Ravens D for Clayton
Because of the suspensions to Smith and Marshall, I picked up Mark Clayton of the Ravens and dumped the Ravens D. Now that Derrick Mason has lost his lover Steve McNair, maybe Clayton will get the bulk of the catches.

The Dark Knight

Last week in the paper and online, I saw 4-star reviews of The Dark Knight across the board. I dismissed the movie's premiere almost immediately for several reasons: First, it was another comic book movie. It seems to me that 9 out of 10 blockbusters that come out these days are comic book movies. Did we really need Elektra? How about the Fantastic 4? How about Xmen 3? All seemed to be mindless action films and I felt the genre was getting very tired. Second, I was sick of hearing about Heath Ledger and how it was his greatest performance ever. Nothing frustrates me more than Hollywood giving accolades to people just because they're dead or old. Yeah, give Alan Arkin the Oscar because he should have won one by now, robbing some other more deserving actor (Marky Mark?). Belushi? Overrated. James Dean? Way overrated. What did he make, a whole 2 movies? Yeah, he's the best. If you remember, Ledger was the guy that couldn't even shed the Australian accent for his first big role playing an American teenager in Ten Things I Hate About You. He's trying to step into the shoes of Jack Nicholson, who played the role so well. Yeah, when I went into the theatre, I was convinced the Dark Night was going to be average. Over the next two hours, I ate my words, because this is one kickass movie. Neil Cumpston would bust three nuts over this one.

For all of my disdain for the furor over Ledger, this is his movie. I was interested in what he was going to do with the character now that Nicholson's Joker was already on the table. He takes it in a completely different direction. Rather than the rather non-threatening cartoon image that Nicholson was, Ledger's Joker is creepy. Really creepy. Rather than have perfect joker makeup that almost looked like a mask, Ledger's makeup almost looks like someone applied it with a shotgun. It's thick and caked on, and hides some sort of scarring underneath that you can't quite make out (but is a lot of fun trying). His mannerisms are fascinating. He continually is flicking his tongue, making you wonder if he's holding a razor blade under it, or if he's just trying to channel a snake. Fantastic.

The script was very well written as well. Rather than have Batman be the wuss that he was in earlier films, he is much darker and much more of a vigilante in this film, willing to do whatever it takes to make the streets safer, especially if it means breaking the law. Damn, I wish this was real life. Offsetting the tense action sequences are a lot of humorous spots, especially involving the Joker and especially the hospital scene. The film has a very nice flow to it, there wasn't a single spot where I lost interest. Well directed, well written.

Finally, my few complaints about the film. First of all, if you're going all the way to make a killer movie, why the hell do you junk it up with second rate people for the supporting roles. Namely, I'm talking about Maggie Gyllenhall and Eric Roberts. Gyllenhall, as the movie's heroine is about as ugly as they come. Her face appears to be made of wax pudding, slowly melting off of her skull. I think if I pointed my rear at a mirror and spread I'd have something more attractive. She's so ugly that if I had to plow either her or her brother Jake, I'd have to think about it for a second. Not saying I'd take Jake, but I'd still have to mull that one over. And who the hell dragged Eric Roberts, fresh off his appearance in The Cookie Thief, out of the closet to play the Italian mobster? He looks about as Italian as I look Korean. Putting these scrubs on the same screen as Ledger and Morgan Freeman are like buying a Ferrari and putting those white trash $50 a pop spinner hubcaps that you can get at Target on it. It just doesn't make sense. Oh, and did I mention Maggie Gyllenhall is ugly?

So, head out and go see Batman.